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Why is it important to know yourself better?
9 symptoms of not knowing yourself
The 6 pillars of self-knowledge
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Why is it important to know yourself better?
9 symptoms of not knowing yourself
The 6 pillars of self-knowledge
Other important areas of self-knowledge
You might have already heard the saying, “You have to love yourself before loving someone else.”
There’s truth to this phrase. In fact, you’d do well to expand this principle to include all areas of life — not just romantic relationships.
Through the hurdles of daily life, you’ll always have yourself. Only you know what it’s like to walk in your shoes. And when things get tough, you’re the first responder.
That’s why you have to be your own best friend.
Doing so will improve your well-being reduce inner conflict, and help you say no to things that don’t serve you. It’ll also help you relate to your friends and family in a deeper way. When you treat yourself with love and respect, you teach others to do the same.
This kind of personal growth can be a vulnerable and arduous experience. You have to trust that you can do it.
Let’s dive into the benefits of knowing yourself, why it’s important, and what to look out for.
There’s more to knowing yourself than naming your favorite ice cream flavor.
Self-knowledge means understanding your own sensations, thoughts, beliefs, values, and behaviors. It’s about knowing what makes you tick, why you get out of bed in the morning, and what you value in relationships.
Examining yourself requires constant self-awareness and self-consciousness. This, in turn, shapes how you interact with others and can lead to deeper, more fruitful relationships. It also frees you from the expectations of others, allowing you to be your authentic self.
But other people may know you better than you know yourself. Studies have shown that your coworkers are more likely to give accurate descriptions of yourself than you are. It’s also common for people to overestimate their intelligence and abilities in the workplace.
Luckily, there are ways to gain more accurate self-awareness. And with it, you’ll increase your confidence, self-esteem, and productivity. You’ll have a more accurate perception of your skills, strengths, and weaknesses when you truly know yourself.
Self-discovery takes time. If you’re wondering why you should bother, remember the many benefits of being true to yourself:
Even if only one of these benefits appeals to you, it’s worth getting started. You can try doing so on your own. But, if you need help along the way, BetterUp will be there for you. Together we can discover your true self.
There are many negative aspects to not knowing yourself. See if you can relate to any of these:
Some of these symptoms might be unconscious to you. Through self-discovery, you can bring them to light. Doing so will help you identify and break patterns holding you back.
You’re a unique and complex individual. Because there are so many moving parts, defining yourself might feel impossible. We recommend starting with a VITALS assessment.
VITALS is an acronym for the six pillars of self-understanding. Here’s what each letter means.
Values are what you consider good, bad, and important in life. They’re the unwritten rules that you live by. When you know your core values and where they come from, you can make decisions in line with your authentic self.
This includes anything that naturally draws your attention. Think of your passions and hobbies, what you do without anyone asking, and what makes you curious.
Knowing your interests will help you make better decisions about how to spend your time. It can also guide you to a more fulfilling career.
Think about what gives you energy versus what depletes it. These are signs of your temperament. You might prefer solitary activities, enjoy being in large groups, or strike a balance.
Knowing your temperament empowers both introverts and extroverts to set clear boundaries.
This refers to when you like to do things. Are you a morning person or a night owl? When do you have the most energy? Can you survive without breakfast, or do you need three meals per day?
Knowing these things will help you schedule activities when you’re at your best.
Take a look at your history and identify the most meaningful moments in your life. Think about what made them special to you. This will help you discover your values and what objectives bring the most meaning to you. It can also guide your career and increase your life satisfaction.
This isn’t only about your core skills, talents, and competencies. It’s also about your character strengths, like loyalty, curiosity, and compassion.
Knowing your strengths can boost your self-confidence when you’re feeling down. You can also find work that leans into what you’re good at, which can help you excel in the long run.
You should also be honest about your weaknesses. When you identify them, you can choose to work on them or simply make them a smaller part of your life.
Checking your VITALs should be just the beginning. Here are some other things to do in your pursuit of self-knowledge.
You might find things you don't like as you dive into yourself. Be mindful of negative self-talk. Don’t let it get the best of you. See if you can reframe any of your negative traits into positive ones. Are you stubborn, or are you determined?
To deal with this, imagine yourself as another person. If your friend was beating themselves up, you would comfort them and give them a warm hug. Do the same for yourself.
Over time, you will learn to accept yourself more fully — quirks, flaws, and all. This will do wonders for your confidence and self-esteem.
Setting boundaries involves knowing what you need and not apologizing for it. Pay attention to your energy levels and listen to your body. It’s okay to say no to people if that’s what you need for self-care.
Human beings make decisions every day based on intuition. Learn how yours works. Is your decision-making based on fear? Anxiety? Or do you just need a break?
Knowing your intuition will help you abandon toxic traits, behaviors, and patterns. And, in the long run, you can teach it new behaviors and learn to trust them.
Everyone has dreams, big and small. Find yours. Perhaps you have a dream job, want to own a house, or hope to have kids one day. Once you know your dreams, you can make a plan to make them happen.
As you learn more about your inner workings, you’ll start seeing the benefits of being happy with yourself. Here are some of the signs:
It’s okay if you don’t relate to this list the first time you read it. Print it out and hang it on your wall or bookmark this page so you can revisit this list after you’ve tried to get to know yourself.
Now that you know the importance of knowing yourself, it’s time to get started.
Confronting yourself can be scary. It involves self-reflection, vulnerability, and honesty. If you need help untangling your inner workings, try working with one of BetterUp’s professional coaches. Here are some of the ways we can benefit you:
At BetterUp, we want you to succeed. Now that you know the benefits of knowing yourself, you’re ready to begin your journey to self-discovery. We’re here to support you if you need us.
Kickstart your path to self-discovery and self-awareness. Our coaches can guide you to better understand yourself and your potential.
Kickstart your path to self-discovery and self-awareness. Our coaches can guide you to better understand yourself and your potential.
Maggie Wooll is a researcher, author, and speaker focused on the evolving future of work. Formerly the lead researcher at the Deloitte Center for the Edge, she holds a Bachelor of Science in Education from Princeton University and an MBA from the University of Virginia Darden School of Business. Maggie is passionate about creating better work and greater opportunities for all.
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