'Take an honest look in the mirror': Why good leadership starts with self-reflection

Rachel Druckenmiller didn't mean to fall in love with benefits. But as so many industry leaders before her, she did — on accident. 

"No 10-year-old has ever said, 'When I grow up, I want to be an insurance broker,'" says Druckenmiller, who spent 12 years at SIG before launching her own business, Unmuted, where she provides leadership training and keynote speaking. "But I knew I wanted to do something in health and human behavior, and I discovered the field of corporate wellness and realized I could do that in a non-traditional way."

Druckenmiller, who will appear as the keynote speaker at Employee Benefit News' upcoming Benefits at Work conference in San Diego later this month, has since dedicated her career to helping leaders and industry experts "unmute" themselves. 

"I see the number of people that hold themselves back at work and in life — that feel unfulfilled, resentful, regretful," Druckenmiller says. "I need to help show people their value, and help them advocate for themselves." 

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When she takes the stage at Benefits at Work, Druckenmiller will engage audience members in an interactive session on "igniting intentional leadership," helping attendees understand their own value, impact and influence — and how they as leaders can shift their employees' and peers' experiences at work. 

"Leadership can feel so transactional," she says. "But most people get into HR for similar reasons that people get into healthcare: to help people. We need to reconnect with our sense of purpose."

Druckenmiller recently spoke with EBN to offer up a preview of her discussion at Benefits at Work. (If you haven't registered yet, click here to reserve your last-minute spot!)

Leading and managing is such a hard skill to master, and can trip up even the most talented employees, producers and advisers as they climb the ranks. Are we all approaching leadership in the wrong way? 

Leadership, historically — from the Industrial Revolution as a starting point — has been command and control: "Let me tell you what to do, then stay in line." What I propose is a shift from command and control to connect and care. Leaders who show up with a genuine desire to connect with the people they work with are going to keep their people longer. This isn't rocket science, but a lot of people are not doing it. 

What's keeping folks from recognizing that employees are humans too, and a harsh work/life boundary doesn't always make sense? 

Fundamentally, I think life is hard and people are busy. And people underestimate the value of [checking in]. I've also learned from interviews with leaders I've trained that, a lot of times, they feel like they have to be in a position of being inaccessible. And of course there are healthy boundaries: If you're the CEO of a company and you're going through a divorce, you don't need to go through all the details of your divorce at an all-hands, that's of course inappropriate. But you can talk about yourself as a person. 

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This kind of compassionate leadership seems more important than ever, especially as employers are still struggling to retain talent. What's step one? 

Be willing to be curious, don't make assumptions. If somebody shows up a certain way, don't assume, "This person's a jerk!" Even though that's exactly what we do. Humans naturally have a bias to do this — it's called "attribution error." We attribute someone else's behavior to their character, but we attribute our behavior to our circumstances. So if we act like a jerk, we say, "Oh, but I was really tired." But other people can be tired, too. 

What are some tips and tricks for breaking out of that mindset? 

Curiosity. I heard a version of this story from Simon Sinek: There's an employee who's having an issue with sales, and their numbers have been down for a while. So this employee goes into Manager A's office, and hears: "Your numbers are down for the third quarter in a row, and if you don't get your act together, there's going to be a major problem." And that's not uncommon, especially in sales. 

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Manager B says, "Your numbers are down for the third quarter in a row. Is everything OK? How are you doing? Is there anything I can do to support you?" That's a fundamentally different conversation, one about curiosity, not judgment. Now, of course, there may be a real performance issue and sometimes you've done what you can do to support people and they still aren't showing up — and then you do have to have a different conversation. But it's important for leaders to take the time to understand their employees. 

That seems like a good starting point for anyone trying to improve their leadership skills.

When I think about what it is to ignite intentional leadership, a lot of it requires internal reflection too. Leaders must be curious about other people, but be curious about yourself, too. Take an honest look in the mirror. Be willing to work on your own stuff before you sit down and ask other people to do that.