Bullying doesn’t stop when you’re past formal education. Unfortunately, it often follows you into the workplace.
But nobody deserves abuse, no matter where it takes place. Yet standing up for yourself might feel increasingly difficult compared to your classroom days since it could jeopardize your livelihood.
Taking this risk might make you question whether you’re being bullied in the first place or simply struggling with teamwork dynamics or unavoidable built-in hierarchies. But there are ways to identify bullying at work and learn how to deal with a bully.
What’s bullying at work?
The Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI) defines bullying in the workplace as repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons by one or more perpetrators. This includes workplace coercion, intimidating behavior, and acts of humiliation.
Whatever the form, the behavior ultimately affects your ability to do your job.
According to a 2021 national survey by the WBI, 30% of American employees experience verbal, nonverbal, psychological, and physical abuse, humiliation, or outright sabotage at work.
While upper management is often the culprit, responsible for up to 65% of incidents, bullying is found anywhere in a company’s organizational chart, including by a superior’s subordinates and between coworkers.
And unfortunately, the rise in remote work hasn’t insulated people from abuse. The same WBI survey found that more than 43% of remote workers report incidents of bullying, compared to a rate of 20.6% for on-site employees.
For telecommuters, most bullying occurs during online meetings (50%) or via email (9%).
As of 2023, there are no legal protections against bullying in the U.S. But if it crosses into harassment, meaning it targets a protected class such as race, religion, or sex, there are legal consequences.
The effects of workplace bullying
Bullying can impact employee work performance by creating a power imbalance that makes you feel helpless and incompetent. If you’re not speaking up about this experience, you may feel isolated from your teammates as well, wondering why you’re being picked on and whether you deserve it.
Being bullied can even cause you to lose your job or quit of your own volition. Your employer might be the bully and could terminate you if you speak up, or you might be forced to remove yourself to avoid this treatment.
But workplace bullying impacts more than your work performance. Its effects are detrimental to both your mental and physical health and can last for years. These consequences include:
Unlike targeted harassment, victims of bullying have limited legal recourse. And according to WBI’s 2021 report, only 23% of perpetrators experience negative consequences for their behavior.
But this rate has increased from 11% in 2010, so there’s reason to feel encouraged if you’re thinking about reporting someone.
This uptick is excellent for both employees and organizations since a toxic work environment results in adverse effects, including:
The cost of bullying in the workplace is high for organizations and employees alike. Depending on its severity, bullying could cost a company $450–550 billion annually. Learning how to spot it and deal with difficult workers effectively is a great first step to avoid these consequences.
How to identify workplace bullying
You’ll likely know a colleague is engaging in bullying behavior if they regularly make you feel insecure, exhausted, isolated, or intimidated. Some examples of bullying at work that could make you feel this way include:
-
Scolding or criticizing you unfairly in private or public
-
Sending aggressive, threatening emails
-
Micromanaging tasks or assigning projects with impossible deadlines
-
Belittling your contributions or taking credit for them
-
Deliberately embarrassing you in front of your manager, teammates, or clients
-
Monopolizing resources and supplies
-
Refusing to share information vital to the successful completion of your work
-
Starting rumors and lying to your coworkers
-
Putting you through humiliating pranks and putdowns disguised as humor or office politics
-
Isolating you from professional or social engagements
-
Preventing you from taking advantage of opportunities
Remember: you’re never responsible for a bully’s abuse. Instead, this behavior typically stems from the bully:
When you try to confront bullies, there’s often a second bullying phase: gaslighting.
Gaslighting is an abusive behavior where someone makes you feel your claims are untrue and experiences invalid. A bully might make you question your reality to further weaken your self-esteem and dodge owning up to their actions.
To avoid falling prey to this tactic, speak with a human resources (HR) professional early on.
8 types of workplace bullies
The best way to deal with a bully is to understand what they’re doing and why. Anton Hout, founder of OvercomeBullying.org, defined eight common types of workplace bullies:
-
The Screaming Mimi: Loud and obnoxious, this bully berates and humiliates coworkers and is motivated by hostility, causing stress and anxiety wherever they go.
-
The Two-Headed Snake: When you’re together, this coworker acts like a trusted friend and confidant. But as soon as you’re out of sight, they betray your trust, damage your reputation, or take credit for your hard work.
-
The Constant Critic: This person is never satisfied. Their goal is to undermine your confidence and self-esteem using unending and often undeserved criticism.
-
The Gatekeeper: This worker exerts control by allowing or denying access to the tools — time, funds, supplies — you need to do your job. They enjoy the power of being in charge of resources and won’t let you forget it.
-
The Attention Seeker: Always trying to be the center of attention, this bully works hard to get on their manager’s good side and appear kind and helpful to teammates. But they’ll turn on you if they believe you’re not giving them the regard they deserve.
-
The Wannabe: This employee likes to be seen as indispensable but doesn't have the skills or expertise to make it on their own, so they hinder more competent coworkers to make themselves look good. If that strategy doesn’t work, they find the smallest details to complain about.
-
The Guru: A high performer in their area of expertise, The Guru suffers from an over-inflated sense of self-importance. They have no consideration for their fellow workers and won’t accept the possibility of being wrong.
And because they feel superior to everyone else, they behave as though the rules apply to them.
-
The Sociopath: This bully is charming, intelligent, and well-spoken, which allows them to quickly advance to an upper management position. But they lack empathy and will manipulate your emotions, scheme, gaslight, and defame you to get what they want.
The Sociopath’s charisma attracts hangers-on who ride the bully’s success to move up the ranks.
How to deal with workplace bullies: 6 tips
Confronting bullies is daunting, especially since you’re dealing with a situation where your confidence is being toyed with and you may fear the perpetrator. But by applying any combination of these strategies, you can start to take your power back.
1. Speak up
The moment a colleague crosses the line, let them know you recognize their behavior as abuse and won’t accept their mistreatment. This helps avoid escalation from employees who think they can get away with bad behavior.
Whether doing this in person or virtually, employ a power pose to encourage self-confidence, like a wide-leg stance and broadened shoulders. This also exudes authority when done in person.
If you don’t know what to say to a bully, start by stating the problem, then the consequences, and finally a solution. For example, if someone begins yelling during a meeting, say,
“Excuse me [name]. I see you’re yelling. Raising your voice makes it difficult for the team to brainstorm a solution effectively. Can we all agree to keep our voices down to focus on finding an answer?”
2. Document everything
Keep a journal detailing the five Ws — who, what, when, where, and why — of meetings, in-person interactions, and phone calls. Print out problematic emails, and if someone questions your performance, keep a record of quantifiable results from any project you’ve worked on, plus any compliments and acknowledgments of a job well done.
This way, you’ll have hard proof to substantiate your claims while shielding yourself from your bully’s attempts to gaslight you.
3. Research HR policies
While bullying isn’t illegal, many companies have formal HR policies against mistreatment, verbal abuse, and intimidation. Check your employee handbook for reference to the organization's values and employee expectations. If you decide to take it to management, use this information to bolster your case.
If resolving the issue internally doesn’t work, consider consulting an attorney who specializes in employment law to find out what your options are. Some lawyers do free consultations, while others charge a small fee.
4. Talk to someone you trust
If you’ve attempted to deal with the bully alone without any luck, it’s time to get help. Discuss the situation with your manager or, if they’re the problem, with a trusted peer, coach, or mentor. Explain the situation, the steps you’ve taken, and the outcome.
Keep office relationships in mind when confiding in a superior. You want as neutral a third party as possible, which is why going to an HR professional early on is recommended.
If the person you’re approaching recommended the bully for their role or has a personal relationship with them, they may be reluctant to help. The conversation could even get back to the antagonist and make things worse.
5. Make a business case
Another strategy is to make a more general case against bullying to upper management to push implementing better policies. It's cold, but your request for aid might not be well-received as a personal plea, so frame the bullying as affecting the company as a whole.
Calculate how much the bully costs the company in terms of turnover, lost productivity, absenteeism, etc. Use your documentation to highlight specific instances of wasted time and resources.
And clearly illustrate expected outcomes of this process and what happens if the result doesn’t meet your expectations.
6. Start your job hunt
The sad reality of workplace bullying is that victims sometimes must leave their job to avoid mistreatment. If you feel you’ve taken every other recourse, consider finding a workplace that prioritizes anti-bullying culture and employee satisfaction.
Standing up for someone else
If you’re aware of workplace bullying and do nothing, your silence gives the abuser permission to continue. Here are a few strategies to support a coworker that’s being bullied.
As a colleague
Take your coworker aside, let them know you’re aware of the situation, and offer your support if they go to HR or management with a complaint. You could also file a complaint yourself. The more corroborated incidents HR knows of, the more likely they’ll take action.
If the coworker needs more time before filing a report, suggest being present whenever they're in the same room as their bully. You can do this virtually, too, encouraging them to reduce one-on-one chats.
As a manager
If you’re in a leadership position, demonstrate your commitment to a safe and healthy working environment by encouraging employees to report bullying and taking every complaint seriously.
Call out untoward behavior when you see it in action to signal to team members that you won’t tolerate bullying on your team.
With the support of HR, investigate and address abusive conduct and bring appropriate consequences to bear. And establish training programs to educate your staff about workplace bullying, respectful behavior, and positive conflict management.
It’s not your fault
No one should face intimidation, humiliation, or manipulation in exchange for a paycheck. You deserve to feel safe at work, and employers must recognize and address a toxic workplace environment. If they don’t, consider your options and choose the one that prioritizes your physical and mental health.
And remember: bullying has more to do with the bully and their insecurities than with you.
Try not to take it too personally. Instead, focus on advocating for a work environment you’re proud to be part of.
-1.png)
