Find your Coach
BetterUp
Request a demo

How to deal with difficult coworkers: 5 tips for a friendlier workplace

August 1, 2023 - 15 min read

Coworkers-Exchange-Conversation-how-to-deal-with-difficult-coworkers

Jump to section

Why is knowing how to deal with difficult coworkers important?

Before anything, check in with yourself

5 types of difficult coworkers

How to deal with a difficult coworker: 5 tips

Create a comfortable workplace dynamic

Everyone has a story about a difficult coworker. 

Someone always comes to work late, borrows your favorite pen and doesn’t return it, or is regularly rude to teammates. 

Most of the time, a difficult teammate’s behavior is annoying yet tolerable. But if the behavior becomes a bad habit, it tarnishes the person’s work relationships and causes workplace conflict

When that happens, it’s time to learn how to deal with a difficult coworker without sacrificing professionalism.

Why is knowing how to deal with difficult coworkers important?

According to a survey from workforce relocation firm CapRelo, 65% of employees talk to coworkers outside of the office. And the benefits of workplace friendship go far. Having solid relationships with your coworkers improves mental health, boosts self-esteem, and helps prevent loneliness.

But you can’t become friends with everyone, especially at work. The Myers-Briggs Company’s Conflict at Work survey found that 36% of workers report dealing with conflict often, very often, or all the time. Even if you don’t face a difficult coworker every day, there’s still a high chance you’ll encounter one once in a while who creates a toxic work environment.

A difficult coworker has the potential to distract you, cause stress, and start a further conflict in the office, whether they have a short stint on your team or you have to see them every day. Learning how to start getting along with toxic coworkers — or at least collaborate effectively — can help you avoid larger problems and maintain productivity.

Before anything, check in with yourself

If you want to change your workplace, you have to start with yourself. 

It’s easy to feel like difficult people are thorns in your side. But before you react and risk a potential conflict, take a moment to step back and examine your feelings. 

Think about why you don’t like this person’s behavior. Are they uncooperative? Lazy? Bullying you or other employees

You might dislike coworkers because they remind you of someone from your past or qualities you dislike in yourself. Identifying these feelings out loud with a friend, coach, or therapist, or even privately in a journal, lets you process your emotions and relieve stress. Then you can find a workable solution.

Concentrated-Woman-Working-With-Laptop-how-to-deal-with-difficult-coworkers

Another way to “check yourself” is to examine your own behavior. Most people have stories about the headaches their colleagues bring to the workweek, but many forget that sometimes, they’re someone else’s “difficult coworker.”

Anyone can have toxic traits, and it’s up to you to reflect and ask for feedback on how to change your behavior.

5 types of difficult coworkers

You processed your feelings, adjusted your behavior, and still wound up with a toxic coworker. Your next step is learning how to disagree with this person without sacrificing your professionalism

There are many constructive ways to deal with a difficult colleague, but the strategies vary depending on the type of employee that’s getting under your skin. Here are five common types of difficult coworkers, plus a few tips for managing your relationships with them.

1. The sloth

If you’re a worker with a lot of ambition, people who don’t match your energy might get under your skin. They don’t work at your pace, and because of this, they seem lazy and disengaged. Sloths often finish their work slowly, which is particularly frustrating if you depend on their job to do your own. 

Young-Woman-Slacking-At-Work-how-to-deal-with-difficult-coworkers

Solution: It’s easy to write off a sloth as lazy, but their behavior doesn’t always tell you the whole story. Sometimes, slow coworkers are working through challenges, which could be anything from health issues to stress and burnout

If your coworker’s pace causes problems, approach them with kindness and respect first to understand what they need to work more efficiently. Explain how their lack of urgency impacts your workload, and ask for clear communication about their bandwidth. 

These difficult conversations will often inspire slow coworkers to make a change. But if your talks don’t make a difference or you aren’t sure how to approach them, you can always ask a manager or HR professional to intervene. 

2. The bellyacher

Research shows that negativity at work costs businesses around $3 billion per year — and that bad atmosphere does more harm than just financial. Coworkers who dwell on problems and constantly complain can drain employee morale.

Of course, everyone benefits from expressing frustration when appropriate, but excessive negativity ultimately leads to a toxic work environment. And when someone starts complaining about you or your work, it can hurt your feelings and affect your relationship.

Solution: These situations are perfect for checking in with yourself. Consider your coworker’s complaints objectively and determine why they’re bothering you. Are they incorrect? Or do they point out an issue you’d rather avoid? Consider working with your colleague to find a solution together. 

If your colleague’s complaints aren’t valid, or if you can’t make a change, offer a new perspective. After a coworker starts ranting, saying something like, “I actually enjoyed that meeting” can dampen the negative energy in a snap. 

3. The spotlight hog

Teamwork is essential for success, and when done right, it yields impressive results. But sometimes your team can feel a little off-kilter — especially when one person wants more credit than necessary. They might make every project about themselves or even stoop to lying about the part they played. If so, you’ve got a spotlight hog on your hands. 

Woman-leading-a-meeting-being-center-the-center-of-attention-at-office-how-to-deal-with-difficult-coworkers

Solution: Most of these people want recognition from their coworkers or managers, which could be to mask self-esteem issues. Maybe that person feels undervalued and doesn’t know how to react, or feels like they don’t have enough responsibility for the project in the first place.

Acknowledging the contributions your coworker did make could give them the validation they need. And if you still find they still want to hog the spotlight, don’t be afraid to reach out to your manager to clarify the truth and assert expectations about everyone’s role. 

4. The hotshot

Some coworkers think they know it all. They’re loud in meetings, rarely accept constructive criticism, and often steamroll their team members to ensure their ideas are front and center. They don’t know how to work on a team that gives everyone an equal voice, leading to an imbalance of power and unfair structure.

Solution: Like the spotlight hog above, chances are the hotshot is looking for validation and appreciation. Try appealing to their ego and asking them for advice about a problem you’re having. This shows that you value their ideas while modeling a scenario that asks for their input actively. That way, they don’t have to overtake team conversations. 

But if the problem looms larger, you might have to speak up for yourself and other team members. Be clear and direct about how their behavior affects everyone’s work without insulting them. And if it seems to be a symptom of a larger issue with that person, talk to your leaders about a more involved intervention.

5. The gossip

At first glance, the office gossip may seem like the opposite of a difficult coworker. They’re friendly and personable, always chatting and making friends with people at every desk. But once that person turns small talk into gossip, they can stir up uncomfortable situations and put you in a position you aren’t sure how to handle. 

Solution: The best way to handle gossip in the workplace is to ignore it. If your coworker wants to share a story that oversteps boundaries, leave or politely divert the conversation. While this confrontation may be a little awkward, it will help create a more harmonious work environment in the long run.

And since the office gossip likely just wants to make friends, find other ways to bond as a team that don’t involve oversharing

How to deal with a difficult coworker: 5 tips

Many factors influence your approach to workplace relationships, from your communication style to personal pet peeves. But whether you’re dealing with a sloth, hotshot, or anything in between, these tips can help you learn how to deal with difficult coworkers:

1. Limit your time together

If a colleague drains and demotivates you, limiting your interactions with them is okay. Keep your conversations professional, set boundaries in your office, and politely excuse yourself from small talk. Just don’t give your colleague the cold shoulder — that could cause more conflict than necessary.

2. Regulate your response

Before reacting to a difficult coworker or situation, step back and notice how you feel. Your reaction could make things worse. If you’re feeling angry or upset, avoid lashing out. Separate yourself from the problem and try calming techniques like deep breathing. Approach the situation clearly once you have a clear head and a calm body.

Multi-Ethnic-Coworkers-In-Office-how-to-deal-with-difficult-coworkers

3. Stay positive

If negativity depletes employee morale, positivity gives it a boost. While you can’t control everyone else’s feelings, spreading joy makes the workplace better for everyone. Focus on gratitude and cultivating your work-life balance so you have the energy to contribute to a positive environment.

4. Remain professional

Try not to let a difficult coworker get in the way of your professional goals. Chances are, their behavior isn’t about you and just represents a problem they’re having. Speak up about it, but protect your energy and focus on your own path. It’s easier said than done, but they shouldn’t distract you from doing your job.

5. Ask for help

Sometimes, dealing with difficult coworkers takes more than just one conversation. If you have difficulty getting through to a colleague or regulating your responses to them, it’s time to open a larger conversation with HR or your manager. A mentor or coach can also help you manage your emotions at work, start difficult conversations, and refocus your attention on achieving your goals.

Create a comfortable workplace dynamic

You spend five days a week at work, and that time should be as pleasant as you can make it. When a coworker creates a toxic environment, don’t be afraid to take action. Your efforts to learn how to deal with difficult coworkers will make your 9–5 a little easier — not just for you, but for everyone.

Thrive in your workplace

Connect with our Coaches to build stronger workplace relationships and cultivate a culture that drives success.

Thrive in your workplace

Connect with our Coaches to build stronger workplace relationships and cultivate a culture that drives success.

Published August 1, 2023

Allaya Cooks-Campbell

With over 15 years of content experience, Allaya Cooks Campbell has written for outlets such as ScaryMommy, HRzone, and HuffPost. She holds a B.A. in Psychology and is a certified yoga instructor as well as a certified Integrative Wellness & Life Coach. Allaya is passionate about whole-person wellness, yoga, and mental health.

Read Next

Professional Development
20 min read | September 8, 2022

Why coworker feedback is so important and 5 ways to give it

How do you deliver feedback for coworkers and why is it so important? Find the answers. Plus, use these examples for how to say what is on your mind. Read More
Professional Development
13 min read | December 21, 2023

Use thoughtful work anniversary messages to wish your coworkers well

Sending your coworkers work anniversary messages shows that you value their contribution to the team and encourages them to continue contributing great work. Read More
Professional Development
14 min read | April 3, 2023

7 signs your coworker is threatened by you and how to deal with it

Do you have a jealous colleague? Find out for sure before confronting them. Here are seven signs a coworker is threatened by you and how to deal with it. Read More
Professional Development
14 min read | April 28, 2022

Why it's good to have a BFF at work and how to find one

How do I make friends at work? We spend so much time at our jobs, this is a common question. Here are our top tips for getting to know your coworkers. Read More
Leadership & Management
12 min read | March 5, 2021

Grief at work. Here's how to help employees and teammates

People everywhere are feeling grief, even if they haven't lost a loved one. Managers are ill-prepared for grief at work. Here are tips to help coworkers. Read More
Professional Development
12 min read | February 6, 2023

How to write an unforgettable goodbye email to coworkers

Changing jobs involves maintaining professional relationships. Here are some tips and suggestions for writing an appropriate goodbye email to coworkers. Read More
Professional Development
16 min read | June 16, 2023

How to say farewell to a colleague: 35 ways to say goodbye

A guide to help you say farewell to a coworker. Read some of the best messages to say your goodbyes, complete with tips for a meaningful parting note. Read More
Professional Development
15 min read | August 4, 2023

Writing thank-you notes to coworkers (+ 43 examples)

Learn how to write thank-you notes to coworkers and why this action is so important. Find out what to avoid saying in your message. Read More
Professional Development
12 min read | October 24, 2022

How to give kudos at work. Try these 5 examples to show appreciation

Giving compliments in a professional setting can be difficult. Here are some kudos examples for you to try that will boost morale and team performance. Read More

Similar Articles

Well-being 

How to handle gossip in the workplace and encourage communication

Well-being 

Too toxic! How to spot the traits in yourself and others

Professional Development 

The power of politeness: 10 ways to deal with rude people

Leadership & Management 

Dealing with difficult employees (8 tips to succeed)

Well-being 

Grey rocking: Why this method works for a minute (and when it doesn't)

Professional Development 

What to do when things get tense? 7 tips to handle workplace conflict

Well-being 

A toxic work environment hurts. These 5 tips can help you overcome it

Well-being 

What is emotional distress? Tips to deal with life’s difficult moments

Well-being 

How to deal with difficult people — without harming your mental health

Stay connected with BetterUp

Get our newsletter, event invites, plus product insights and research.