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What's the difference between wants vs. needs?
How can you reframe your mindset from scarcity to abundance?
How can you tell if your consumption is off-balance?
How do you harmonize wants and needs to find fulfillment?
When you have all you need, how do you prioritize your wants?
Understanding wants vs. needs in relationships
You’re standing in the coffee aisle at the grocery store, staring longingly at some locally roasted, small-batch coffee beans. The price tag, though, is enough to make your wallet wince. What do you do in this moment of wants vs. needs?
If you decide to buy the coffee beans, your morning cup of coffee will seem like a splurge. But then you recall the cost of a specialty latte at your favorite cafe, and those specialty coffee beans start to seem like a bargain.
It’s all about perspective, right? It’s navigating that fuzzy line between wants and needs, not just in your grocery decisions but in your relationships and life. Striking a balance between wants vs. needs and shifting your perspective from scarcity to abundance paves the way to mental well-being and fulfillment.
Think back to your younger years, when each jaunt down the candy or toy aisle sparked an impromptu life lesson from your grown-ups about the epic showdown between wants and needs.
You may have thought you needed a skateboard since all the other fourth graders had them. But you didn’t actually need one. It wasn’t a matter of life or death. But you wanted one, and sometimes wants and needs can feel the same to a kid (and an adult).
Here’s how to understand the difference between wants vs. needs:
If you were building a house, you’d prioritize foundational elements like a solid structure, functioning utilities, and a roof over your head. In life, needs are basic survival, security, and health. Much like that house, life itself wouldn’t last long without addressing these needs. Here are a few examples of other needs:
To better understand this dynamic between wants and needs, consider this foundational psychological theory: Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. In the mid-20th century, psychologist Abraham Maslow introduced his theory of human motivation. Illustrations of this hierarchy often appear as a pyramid-shaped roadmap to happiness and health. It pinpoints five critical needs of human beings:
The base section of Maslow’s pyramid represents physiological needs. This understanding of needs is not just academic. It has real-world implications, particularly in your interpersonal relationships. As you move upward, each level narrows, culminating in self-actualization at the pyramid’s peak.
The takeaway? The principles laid out in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs remind us that our basic needs should ideally be met before we pursue our wants, reinforcing the importance of this balance.
In your hypothetical house, wants are the extras that make your house feel more like home but aren’t essential for its primary function. Think of wants as being plush furniture, charming decorative accents, and a swimming pool in the backyard.
While these add-ons are enjoyable, they aren’t needed for the house to shelter you. They’re the figurative cherry and sprinkles on top. Although we tend to focus on material possessions instead of a minimalist lifestyle when we think of wants, experiences and personal growth are wants that have a larger impact on our well-being.
A 2020 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that splurging on experiences instead of material possessions makes you happier. Typically nonessential things we desire for fun, leisure, or self-satisfaction, these experiences are a few examples of wants:
These experiences can improve life but aren’t necessary for survival, so they are wants, not needs. Understanding this distinction helps people decide how to manage their time and money.
Physical and mental well-being aren’t luxuries. They’re musts that are necessary for a well-rounded, fulfilling life, and personal development contributes to this overall wellness. At first glance, some forms of personal development seem like wants, but on closer inspection, they pave the way for a healthier course of living. Here’s a look at some ways to work on self-improvement that might be considered wants, not needs:
These activities sit in a gray area. They enhance personal growth and add fulfillment to life, but strictly speaking, they’re not survival essentials.
Understanding the distinction between our wants (things we desire) and our needs (essentials for survival) is the first step toward achieving a balanced and fulfilling life.
Switching from a scarcity to an abundance mindset can improve mental health, empower you, enrich relationships, and build resilience. Scarcity thinking can cause stress, whereas an abundance mindset focuses on gratitude for the resources and opportunities around us.
With an abundance mindset, you can creatively handle challenges, support others, bounce back from setbacks, and attract positivity. Do some self-reflection, maybe through journaling, to shift from scarcity to abundance thinking.
The illusion of limited resources, often called scarcity mindset, is the belief that there’s a shortage, triggering feelings of scarcity and competition. It’s like viewing life as a single slice of cake, and if someone else claims it, you’re left empty-handed.
This is different than when resources truly are limited in various forms and levels of impact. Here are a few examples:
But here’s the catch: In the cake scenario, this mindset overlooks the potential to just whip up more cake or explore other dessert options. However, in the case of truly limited resources, more patience, compromise, and funding is often required to reach a solution. For example, the affluent areas of California could enforce more restrictions on watering so that water could be dispersed more evenly among communities.
In scenarios where there’s an illusion of low resources, people often don’t realize that the resources are abundant if folks are creative and work together. Sometimes, the illusion of scarcity causes anxiety and greed, making it harder to see and share opportunities. We need to debunk the illusion to embrace the millionaire mindset fully.
Aligning your investments with your personal values means making mindful buying decisions that mirror your personal beliefs. Rather than chasing the trendiest products, why not opt for those that align with your values, like sustainability?
Voting with your pocketbook supports the causes you care about and creates an empowered mindset. It shifts focus from scarcity to what enriches your life. It’s a different take on quality over quantity.
Moving from longing to proactive action is about turning desires into actionable goals for personal growth. For instance, use a vision board to remind yourself of long-term goals when temptation strikes.
Don’t just dream. Take concrete steps toward what you want, like learning a new skill. Seeing wants as growth opportunities taps you into a world of possibilities, empowering you and fueling fulfillment. It’s about changing “I wish” to “I will.”
Overconsumption is using more goods or services than needed for a comfortable life. For instance, slick app algorithms, user-friendly designs, and easy access to credit cards and Apple Pay can fuel endless social media scrolling and overspending. Whether it’s cute otter videos or the latest trends, we’re constantly hooked.
The average American adult’s personal debt (excluding mortgage payments) has hit $21,800. They spent an average of 485 minutes online daily. Spread that over 40 years, and you’re looking at a staggering 13.5 years spent in the digital realm. (Not to mention the years of paying off credit card debt and resuscitating your credit score.) It’s a wake-up call to the reality of our digital consumption habits. A list of overconsumption signs includes:
By recognizing the difference between wants vs. needs, we’re better equipped to make sound financial goals and decisions, which leads to financial stability and freedom.
Finding fulfillment means balancing your wants and needs. To do this, you should act in line with your core values. Meeting your basic needs and looking after your well-being sets the foundation for purpose and satisfaction.
On the flip side, acknowledging your wants lets you chase experiences and goals that enrich your life. When your wants and needs are balanced, you feel harmonious and content, knowing you’re living true to your values.
At times, achieving this balance means increasing your willpower. Part of this is practicing delayed gratification, which means resisting immediate rewards to gain something more valuable later.
Why wouldn’t you want to follow your dreams? While a scarcity mindset might make doing so seem out of reach, an abundance mindset paired with willpower makes all the difference.
Finding a balance between your wants and needs is important when planning a secure future. You’ll need to consider your long-term goals, aspirations, and the practical necessities you’ll need along the way.
Start by identifying your needs, such as personal finance requirements, healthcare, and safe housing. Then, focus on non-negotiables like budgeting your money for savings, insurance, and housing. Once these basics are covered, you can start working on your dreams and goals.
Creating a happy and fulfilling life means balancing your wants and needs. It’s not just about covering the basics but also about improving yourself and developing a resilient mindset.
You’ve got great self-management skills. And you know how to handle your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. But always resisting temptations can lead to mental fatigue, which social psychologist Roy Baumeister calls willpower depletion.
Because of that, it’s healthy to recognize your wants, like career progress, travel, or hobbies. Think of it like this: Your needs are the nourishing chicken in your noodle soup. Your wants are the spice, because it’s nice to have some flavor.
Meeting needs doesn’t have to be dull. And, surprise, surprise, wants are more important than you might realize.
With creativity, you can transform even the most basic needs into enjoyable experiences. For instance, changing your approach to eating can make it a culinary adventure, not just a necessity. You might try cooking, checking out new restaurants, or using takeout delivery or meal delivery services as an expansion of your usual choices. You could then trim your budget in other areas of daily life to make mealtime a pleasure instead of a chore.
Taking care of wants can be essential for emotional and mental health. Your main goal might be to save money and improve your financial wellness, but things like travel or hobbies provide chances for personal growth, self-expression, and relaxation. They’re not just extras. They’re also important for mental and emotional well-being.
Balancing wants and needs isn’t about deprivation. It’s about making conscious decisions that align with our values and long-term goals, which leads to a high quality of life.
Once you’ve handled your needs, the next step is to align your wants with your personal goals, values, and interests. This is one area where a coach can help. Coaches can give guidance that will help you maintain focus and see tangible results.
Your coach can help you do a personal check-in. You’ll reflect on what brings you joy, fulfillment, or opportunities for growth. Next, you’ll assess how each want affects essential areas of your life. These areas could be physical health, mental well-being, relationships, and personal growth. Then, you can focus on those that contribute most positively.
Because resources like time, money in your bank account, and energy are finite, use them wisely. A good place to start is by thinking of ideas for and ticking off experiences from your bucket list. You’re not just meeting needs by thoughtfully aligning your wants with your personal values and goals. You’re shaping a life that’s both meaningful and fulfilling.
Understanding wants and needs is vital for your mental well-being and plays a significant role in your interpersonal relationships.
In relationships, both needs and wants matter. A Harvard study found that strong relationships are the key to happiness and longevity.
Recognizing and communicating your feelings, relationship values, needs, and wants while understanding and respecting those of others can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. If your relationship was a person, it would also have needs for survival, such as emotional support, trust, and respect. These needs are the bedrock of a healthy bond.
Satisfying these needs provides security and intimacy, forming the core of a fulfilling relationship. Relationship needs often include:
Miscommunication and unmet expectations present typical relationship challenges that a better understanding of wants and needs can address.
Wants add extra spark, reflecting individual preferences and aspirations. While not essential for survival, they bring enjoyment and deepen the relationship. However, placing needs over wants is important for a strong, resilient relationship.
Once needs are met, addressing wants can enhance intimacy and fulfillment. Overemphasizing wants at the expense of needs can lead to resentment and conflict, so balance is needed for harmony. Just as balancing our wants and needs contributes to personal satisfaction and financial health, it also helps build strong, mutually satisfying relationships.
Navigating wants and needs in relationships can be complex. For this reason, professional guidance, like life coaching, can be helpful.
Mastering the dance between wants and needs might seem tricky. But with the right approach, you can find that sweet spot and create a well-balanced and deeply satisfying life.
After all, navigating the line between wants and needs isn’t just about making decisions in the grocery store. It’s a principle that extends to all aspects of personal and professional life. The first step is understanding and meeting your basic needs, such as physical health, emotional support, and financial stability.
After meeting basic needs, focus on your wants, such as hobbies or experiences that make life richer. By changing your view from scarcity to abundance, you’re making space for a fulfilling life that boosts overall well-being.
Life is about making choices that reflect your values, aspirations, and well-being. Prioritizing needs and wants leads to happiness. Addressing needs such as health and financial stability lays a strong foundation. Meanwhile, fulfilling your wants adds joy to your life.
Balancing wants vs. needs leads to purpose, contentment, and fulfillment. BetterUp coaches help clients navigate this, using research and self-assessments to understand individual needs and wants. This aids in crafting a life of ultimate fulfillment.
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